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The winning mindset

Are you unhappy when others are succeeding? Does your success seem dependent on someone else’s failure?

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I AM COMING BACK

An opportunity to prove everyone wrong by coming back strongly to occupy your space. 

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BELIEVE IN YOURSELF 

Pride is holding your head up when everyone around you has theirs bowed. Courage is what makes you do it.Always be yourself and have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and try to dup

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GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE 

The winning mindset

Are you unhappy when others are succeeding? Does your success seem dependent on someone else’s failure?

“Keeping up with the Joneses” is an expression that is commonly used to describe the attitude of always wanting to keep up with the neighbours in terms of possessions and wanting to have the things that our neighbours have. 

Envy is another word that can be used to describe this frame of mind. This is a very appropriate word because it encompasses greed, jealousy, resentment and a strong desire for something somebody else has, usually at whatever cost. 

The winning mindset - origins

Unfortunately, it is an attitude that is widespread, not only in Zambia, but all over the world. Throughout our childhood and most of our adult life, competition is the order of the day. Right from our school days we are taught that our self worth is measured in relation to other people.

At school, our grading system gives you a number at the end of the term. If you “pass number one” that means you are the best in your class. If you “pass number 25” that means there are 24 other kids that are better than you are. So if you want to be number one and “win” you must make sure that all the other kids “lose” and pass number two or more.

Wait a minute though, why can’t all the kids in class pass number one? Why must we compare one child to another? A simple pass or fail remark on the report card might be sufficient without necessarily stating numbers. Unfortunately for children, parents take these numbers very seriously. 

This carries on through life. The boss must ensure that he does not allow his juniors to get too much knowledge or qualifications if he is to keep his number one spot as the top dog in the company. In fact, at times he must deliberately frustrate any efforts by his subordinates to progress. 

Even amongst friends and relatives this occurs. Sibling rivalry does not always end when children grow up. A lot of times it continues. The success of one child in adulthood is measured against the success of another. It seems whatever we have achieved seems insignificant when compared to what so and so has done or acquired.

The winning mindset – dangers of the loser mentality

There are several reasons why envy is such a problem. Firstly, if you are envious of another person’s success that means you will never be satisfied with anything you ever achieve. The fact remains that most times there will always be someone that does better than you in some area. 

Secondly, if you are envious of other people’s success it means you have no clue what you want for your own life. Just because the Joneses have it or do this and that does not mean you should have it or do it. Will it help you in achieving your own objectives and “minding your own business?” If you have a clear vision for your life, what another person achieves or acquires won’t matter: you will know exactly where you are, why you are there, where you need to go and what you need to do to get there.

Thirdly, carried to some extremes, envious people will even try to cripple the progress of others and stop it if possible. Rather than channel their energy into their own success they channel it into this very unproductive mindset: backstabbing, sabotaging, destroying at every chance they get and spending their prime time on thinking about others instead of thinking of ways to improve their own situation. 

The winning mindset – the three basic mindsets

When it comes to succeeding in life there are three basics mindsets that people tend to have. These are the win/lose mentality, the lose/lose mentality and the win/win mentality.

People with a win/lose mentality would be those that compare themselves to other people all the time. They believe that in order for them to succeed others must fail. To them, success is relative. 

Those with a lose/lose mentality believe that they can never achieve anything worthwhile so why should they let you do so. They try to keep other people in the sinking boat that they are in. Negativity is the order of the day for them. Don’t ever try to tell such people that you have great plans for your life – they will only criticize you and tell you it can’t be done. After all, they tried that already and it did not work!

Dreamers, who are achievers, have the win/win mentality. Not only do they know that they are capable of and will succeed, but they realise that their success does not depend on other people’s failure. To the contrary, their success depends on other people’s success. 

The winning mindset – cultivate it

If you are to succeed in life and become the person you are meant to be, then you must know that you will not get there alone. Therefore you must help others to succeed and to become great if you are to be great yourself. It is often said that the greatest people are always those that help others.

Learn to be happy about others’ success and look forward to your own success. Do not judge yourself based on what others have achieved, but rather based on what you want to achieve. Depending on what you want in life, their success could be failure to you or vice versa, but it should not matter to you either way. 

Life is not a race against other people. It is a one man race. You determine the destination, the route, the time limits and the prize. We are all running a different race. How do you compete with someone that is not on the same track as you are? 

Envy and jealousy are habits you must always be weary of and stay clear of. Like other bad habits they will only rob you of your energy, creativity, drive, clarity of mind and enthusiasm for life. 

The winning mindset - conclusion

Stephen R. Covey, in discussing this subject states: “Win/win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others…It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.” 

You are all you can be. Go on and be it.

 

 

The prison within - Overcoming fear

Overcoming fear – introduction

There is a prison that has an inmate population in the billions. It’s a prison without walls, without barbed wire, without guards, and without any physical barrier. But it is the most effective prison in the whole world. Few escape it, but those who do find real and lasting freedom.

That prison is in our minds. It is a prison that holds back our initiative, our talent, our ability to express ourselves and, most of all, it holds back the fulfillment of our full potential as human beings.

That prison is fear. Our lives today are controlled by fear more than we know. Fear controls the choices we make, our actions, our habits and even our destinies. Fear has become one of the greatest threats to humanity in this day in its many forms. Terrorism has become the pinnacle of fear worldwide. Recent events in the world have shown how fear can drive even those that are powerful to behave desperately and inhumanely. But the effect of fear on our personal lives is more damaging than any terrorist can ever hope to achieve. Fear of life prevents most of us from living.

Fear of life? Yes. “Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death.” This observation was made by James F. Bymes.

Overcoming fear – the many faces of fear

In its extremes, fear in our personal lives causes anxiety and phobias. For people with such illnesses, the prison of fear can seem like a death sentence. Their lives may be totally controlled by fear, making life totally unenjoyable and everyday tasks a real struggle. Fortunately, this is not the most common manifestation of fear. The far more destructive form of fear is one that we have come to accept because it is so common.

For example, I remember very clearly how when I was in my first year at university I met a lot of fellow students that were spreading fear everywhere they went. They would say how difficult the first year of natural science studies was and how badly people were failing the course. They had all the statistics of how many people failed last year and the year before that. They’d say things like “50 people failed that course last year.” What they didn’t tell you was that 400 people passed the same course last year.

All the seven years I was at university, were the same. Every year there were people speaking doom and failure. Often, it showed in the results they got. They were the same people struggling to pass. I, and many others like me, got through it fairly unscathed. We chose to see the 90 percent that passed and not the 10 percent that failed.

 

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